It was like a whirlwind as I stepped out of my car. The swirling wall of wind blew my hair all over the place, and it kept getting stuck to the strawberry shake lip gloss I’d applied to my lips. It almost made me regret wearing it, but I knew it was his favorite flavor, so I was glad I did. Before my hair could get too out of control, I corralled and secured it back into a ponytail with a hair tie. When I was sure it was going nowhere, I glanced at my watch only to realize I was already half an hour late. Shoot! If I didn’t hurry, I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to my Sailor.

My car’s lock engaged with a beep as I pushed the button on the fob. I tossed my keys back into my purse and quickly slung it over my shoulder, then took off into a jog across the parking lot. I picked up my pace, fearful I would miss him. The sound of smacking sneakers against pavement echoed through my head but was replaced with the drumming of my heartbeat the closer I got to the pier. The crowd grew larger as I approached and at first, all I could see was people everywhere; it disoriented me. Then I spotted him, standing there in his pristine white uniform, like a beacon guiding me towards home. My nerves, which were already frayed, settled the moment I laid my eyes on him and a calmness rolled in like a morning fog. I was drawn forward.

Like a beautiful painting, he stood there at the edge of the pier as I came toward him, the ocean his backdrop. He was surrounded by dark blue sparkling water for as far as the eye could see. The moment I reached him, he took me into his arms and crushed my face against his chest. He was taller than me, about 5’ 9” to my short 5’ 3”, so the top of my head rested just under his chin. My short stature always made me feel secure and protected in his arms. Soon, though, I would have no one to protect me. No one’s arms to crawl into when I felt afraid. I knew I would be all on my own once he boarded that great, big grey steel ship. My stomach churned at the thought of him being gone for 9 whole months. My mind raced to think of ways to try and keep him here, but I knew there was nothing I could do. So, I just wrapped my arms even tighter around his waist and tried to fight off the emotions that threatened to erupt within me. I would not cry, I promised myself. I would not allow the sorrow and emptiness to take over and ruin our last moments together.

I inhaled deeply, filling my nose with his spicy, masculine scent. Home. I held my breath for as long as I could, trying to ingrain his smell into my memory so I wouldn’t forget it. A breeze caressed my shoulder and caused the hem of my red spaghetti-strap dress, the one I had chosen to wear for its patriotic colors, to flutter around my thighs. It moved across my skin like the gentle whisper of butterfly wings just as a single bead of sweat dripped down the middle of my back; a wet trail left in its wake. Usually, that would bother me, but not today. Heat radiated around us as the sweltering sun reflected off the water’s surface and onto the black asphalt pier. If it weren’t for the breeze, which still felt like someone had opened an oven door, it would have been intolerable. But it didn’t matter. I could be standing in the fires of hell and would not have noticed because I was with him. In his arms. I would do anything for him—nothing would ruin these last moments we had together.

As the time for him to leave approached, like the sound of a roaring ocean, the murmurs and weeping from the hundred or so other families around us grew louder as they each said their goodbyes to their own sailors. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore them, pushing their sounds off until it was a distant hum to my ears. I focused on the strong arms that surrounded me instead. Wrapped in his embrace, with my eyes closed, I could almost imagine it was just me and him standing on that pier, just the two of us in our own little world. But then a high-pitched whistle blew. It signaled that our time was up. My peaceful world was interrupted once again.

I wasn’t ready for him to leave, and even though I knew it wouldn’t work, I clung to his body, needing to mold myself to him…into him. I held on like my life depended on it, because in that moment, it did. I just knew I wouldn’t survive without him. He placed his hands on my tense shoulders and pulled away, and the moment our connection broke was like a Band-Aid being ripped off a wound that’s still healing. Air blew between us and made my skin raw. The absence of his body stung. Then it hit me all at once, and the tears began to flow…. Like a dam bursting free, they poured down my face, unleashing with them relentless pain and despair. My heart… oh, my heart, it felt like it was being twisted and ripped from my chest as I stood in the crowd of crying people and watched as that cruel grey monster they called a ship took my love away.

Then it was over, almost as fast as it had begun. The ship pulled away from the pier and disappeared into the horizon, taking with it my heart. And like the ship disappearing, I, too, became invisible in the crowd. Everybody around me was too caught up in their own worlds to notice me standing there, now alone, facing my own personal misery. Most of the others had brought friends and family as support. Not me. I had only him.

As I stared at the dark blue sea, I let the loneliness sink in. Half of me was gone. I stood there in that crowd of people as group by group they all gathered up their belongings and their kids and walked back to their cars and left. In their rush to get back home, not one of them, not a single one, noticed me. I was unable to move, my eyes glued to the empty waters as the world continued without me. I don’t know how long I was there for; it could have been minutes or hours. But the tears had stopped and were now dried to my cheeks, and any feelings I had left were drained out of me. My whole body sagged with the weight of reality.

I was now alone.